Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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