so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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