I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
