Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
