I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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