and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
