Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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