she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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