I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
