I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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