Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
