tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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