the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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