my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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