I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
