I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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