I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
