hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
