I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
