Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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