i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
