I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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