It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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