Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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