before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
