I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
