I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
