her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
