CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
