Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
