yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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