If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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