Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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