I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
