It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
