I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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