Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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