I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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