please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
