Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
