Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
