I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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