So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
