I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
