I bet he comes in French.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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