he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
