Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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