I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
