ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
