i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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