Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
