the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
