But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
