i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry about my life...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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