hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
